Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
