Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.