Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...