I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.