Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.