I am puke
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
