yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
