So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
