just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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