these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
