Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
