2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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