I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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