I CAN MOONWALK!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
