Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
