we have officially lost it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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