The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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