i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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