Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

(540): View more from Virginia

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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(480): View more from Arizona

the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?

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(540): View more from Virginia

It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.

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