I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
