Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
