Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
