I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
so much tequila, so little girl.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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