puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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