she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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