i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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