You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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