my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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