Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
