Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
