I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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