I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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