Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
vagina is talking i cant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
