Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
