In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
