I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
