So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize