2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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