If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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