We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
