booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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