I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
