Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
