saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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