WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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