We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
