"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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