if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
