She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
