sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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