Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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