Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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