Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
