is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
