Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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