The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
