I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
